A woman often has multiple partners at the same time, but insists that non-monogamy is not an excuse to cheat.
Kenna Bethany, 26, says the idea of being with just one person for the rest of her life “doesn’t appeal” to her and some people “aren’t meant to be monogamous”.
Instead, she believes in having multiple partners and has dated multiple people at the same time throughout her adult life, being open and honest with them from the start.
Kenna claims a common misconception is that non-monogamy is primarily a sexual thing – but insists it’s “not a free-for-all”.
She is currently single and says her friends respect her lifestyle, but she has yet to explain it to her family.
Kenna, an actress from London, said: “Different approaches work for different people.
“We are not all the same and I think people should talk more about non-monogamy.”
Kenna said she felt “weird” about monogamy with her first boyfriend while in high school.
“We were monogamously together for a short time and I quickly felt claustrophobic – although I didn’t know why,” she said.
Kenna first realized she was non-monogamous at the age of 14.
In her 11th year of high school, she was seeing two boys at the same time, who were – much to her surprise – open to the arrangement.
“It was pretty progressive for some 16-year-old boys,” Kenna said.
Kenna didn’t get into another serious relationship until she was 20.
It was long distance – with him in London and her in Lancaster – and she used that time to further explore non-monogamy.Â
Kenna said: “I had just realized that I was also attracted to women and I didn’t want to be in a long-distance monogamous relationship with a man.”
Since then, non-monogamy has become her norm, and she describes her preference as being in a “hierarchical polyamorous structure” – where she usually has a primary partner with their relationship taking precedence, but also with other people. .
Otherwise, all her connections are on equal footing.
“If I saw someone at a club that I liked and wanted to hook up with, I wouldn’t put that over my current relationship – but if I wanted to explore then I could,” she said.
Kenna claims the key to non-monogamy is setting clear parameters, including safe-sex practices, full communication and “making sure no one is left in the dark.”
Kenna said: “The last person I was seeing was the first person I dated who was used to not being monogamous, but even then, there’s always things to come out of.”
Kenna believes that relationships are fluid and there’s always room for jealousy, but says it’s something that can be managed through communication rather than shutting down the relationship completely.
Kenna says society still doesn’t have the right language to describe the full spectrum of relationship dynamics people can enjoy.
She believes that many people are not keen on conventional relationship dynamics, but continue with them because of social norms.
“So many relationships break up because of infidelity and things like that — it makes you wonder if more people should be exploring non-monogamy,” she said.
“I think it should be a conversation that everyone is having.”
For Kenna, the key to making non-monogamy work is being open, communicative and respecting the boundaries you set with each partner.
“People think I just want to cheat, but I’ve never cheated – I stay within the parameters,” she said.
“A common misconception about non-monogamy is that it’s a ‘free-for-all’ – that it’s just a thing in Berlin’s sex dungeons, but it’s not just the couple who will be up in arms.
“I would like to meet more of the community that is just like me.”
Kenna says, in her experience, non-monogamy tends to attract a lot of neurodivergent people.
“By our nature, we don’t dance to society’s drum in the same way,” she said.
Although her friends are fully aware and accepting of her lifestyle, Kenna has yet to discuss being non-monogamous with her family.
“I only introduce my family to my main partner,” she said.
She says she doesn’t see herself going back to monogamy anytime soon.
“I’m a single entity in what I do at the moment – wanting to naturally end up in a nuclear family and not ask questions is not attractive.”
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